The Science of Sleeping Around

(silive)

 Like sleeping around? Don't feel bad about it, so did your parents. A study at SUNY Binghamton says that a person's likeliness to have one night stands stems from genes, namely, a gene called DRD4 which is a type of Dopamine that is only found in some people. When Dopamine is produced in the body it serves many functions, one of which is sexual gratification. DRD4 is basically Dopamine on crack, as it leads to not only casual sex, but has been linked to sex addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, among other fun things. It's not to say that everybody who has the DRD4 gene is a slut, but those in the study that did have it were twice as likely to have a history of sleeping around, so...

Obviously people that don't have the gene are also capable of one night stands, however, it's probably safe to say that in your group of friends you know who has a one night stand here and there, and then you know who's DRD4-ing all over town. The tests were taken from a random sampling 181 college aged students who volunteered to submit to a cheek swabbing. A combination of saliva, along with dick breath, gave researchers their answers as to who possessed the gene.

This is either a real feat in information we're learning about ourselves, or pure genius by a promiscuous scientist. If it was the latter of the two, then it's an even bigger feat for men and women of the world who are in relationships. There is now an excuse for messing around even though it probably isn't going to be the best defense.

Additionally, and perhaps more important, it shall be the end-all-be-all to one of the oldest questions around, slut or not a slut? Sure, accurate assumptions could and always have been made to this very topic but there's never been any real closure. However, using this method to test for the presence of such harlotry could lead to something that we may have never seen before. With all of the focus on DRD4, women without the gene may realize the power they possess and take advantage of the situation. We could have something special on our hands, yes, the manifestation of the "sleeper slut".

She is a clever beast, while the world is busy with cheek swabbing, happily assuming that the easy girls are now clearly marked, a hurricane is in our midst. Always kept reserved for fear of ruining her reputation, and always overlooked as a potential hook-up partner because of said reputation, the sleeper-slut will rise. Untraceable in the eyes of science, she will take respite in knowing that she is free to linger in the arms of many men, always knowing that while assumptions can be made, they can never be proven.

Is this a bad thing? Does it change anything? The answer? Definitely not, and hopefully. Sluts will still be slutty regardless of proof or not so we need not worry about them going away. Also, the evolution of the sleeper slut, if nothing else, creates a higher number of "floozies" the number of which directly correlates to the amount of fun to be had. If (x = number of whores) and (y = number of reserved girls) then the following equation is should be true (x > y = FUN).

Author's note:
You know you've fallen on hard times when you have to go to thesaurus.com to try and find other words for slut. If you want to read the article this came from go here. Not sure this is the best one to lead off with after a hiatus, but ah well.

Hot Nuts

(Quadcooler)

Do you like being worried about things you would have never thought you'd have to worry about? If you said yes, well, you're in luck, read on. If you're a man, the laptop you're most likely reading this on is melting your testicles and killing your sperm. That is if you hold your laptop in your lap anyway. According to this article by pcmag this is old news; not really to me but whatever, apparently we've all supposed to have been using some sort of lap top pad. Well, guess what, those preventative lap top pads aren't preventing anything.

Now I suppose this makes some sort of sense but you’d figure this would just be an old wives tale. Like, “oh you better put something under that laptop you want to have children someday don’t you?” How ridiculous does that sound? It’s right up there with not being able to keep your cell phone in your pocket, apparently everything kills your sperm/ gives you cancer.

My assumptions would be wrong though, because this is happens to be a big enough concern to some people, that urologists at SUNY Stony Brook have been doing research on this topic. In what must have been a very awkward study, 29 men were brought into a lab and, that’s right, had their scrotal temperatures measured. I’m not positive on the exact technique the urologists used but one could assume that it wasn’t the most comfortable of situations.

The subjects were tested in a number of different positions, and what was found wasn’t awesome. Subjects who sat with a their laptop on a pad with their legs spread, in other words as uncomfortable as you could sit, noticed the smallest change in temperature, but still suffered from “scrotal hyperthermia”. In laymen’s terms, your balls are getting too hot. It’s safe to say that any unsuspecting gentleman who uses their laptop on their lap is suffering from this cheerful little ailment.

What’s even better about this is that the difference in temperature is hardly noticeable, so every time you’ve ever had to peel proverbial “gum off the wall” your sperm was most likely experiencing a mass genocide. There really isn’t anything to do about it either besides use a desk, which sucks because desks are for chumps. The whole point of the laptop is so that you can use it while you watch TV, well maybe not the whole point, but either way it seems as though the whole lap part really played large role in the idea behind the design.

I feel like for the most part I and every other male have gone through life doing things to protect Jimmy and the Twins from being damaged. We do things like wear cups, make rules in sports against the infamous low blow, and ladies, for god’s sake maybe the most important… no teeth.  The point here is that we go to great lengths to protect Benny and the Jets from impacts and here we are with a new, silent killer. However, for the most part, I’m not sure that this study would really change the way that men use their laptops, mainly because it might end up being a convenience. Picture yourself saying this: “don’t worry baby we don’t need a condom I did a lot of typing today, my balls are scorching.”

If you can't beat em' ban em'

 I think we need to pump the brakes a little bit, the past two weeks haven't been the best for "things that are fun". Four Lokos and happy meals have been the targets as of late. During these two weeks we've seen San Francisco start a seemingly progressive trend in banning McDonald's happy meals because of childhood obesity being on the rise. Also, we've seen Four Lokos, the drink that ensures you'll have a great time you wont ever remember, starting to be banned by college campuses across the country.

Let's lead off with the happy meals... San Fransisco, the city that's famous for an orange bridge and male on male butt sex, is having a morality issue with happy meals being served at McDonald's. This doesn't say much for the parenting abilities of SanFriscans since the primary consumers of happy meals don't generally have the means to acquire them on their own. Let's face it, there are a couple of things that we can assume about San Fransisco. Firstly, no one is eating at McDonald's, they're all driving their Priuses to Whole Foods where they can be assured they're dining on meats and vegetables that are of the finest quality. Secondly, everybody's gay. Now, if watching Modern Family has taught us anything, it's that gay men love adopting Asian babies, and apart from sumo wrestlers, when's the last time you saw a fat Asian?

Four Lokos is a great idea, the creators have successfully developed something that men, and more importantly women, will willingly and enthusiastically drink and then proceed to energetically make terrible decisions. There isn't much I can find wrong with Four Lokos except for that it didn't gain popularity when I was in college. Combining alcohol, caffeine, and a little flavoring to make it tasty, Phusion Projects, the creating company, has effectively made it popular to roofie yourself.

It's a drink that can definitely make your night more interesting. During pregame activities, one can somewhat be able to predict in what direction the night might lead. Starting the night playing beer pong could definitely lead to waking up in your own vomit, but, in general, sticking to beer will make for a pretty tame night. Starting with shots and funnels could lead in a number of directions, random hookups, fights, the toilet etc. Writing from the point of view of someone who is marginally hungover at the moment, my night was filled beer and vodka red bulls, apart from some fist pumping and the inevitable alleyway pee, it was a pretty normal night. The main theme of these different pregames is that while you will end up drunk in the end, you likely won't end up naked in the woods with an ass ache, unless you're pregaming with Four Lokos.

Banning these fun things will certainly make life less interesting and will take away from our experiences. If we don't have kids being raised on happy meals, there will be no more fat people to laugh at, and that's definitely a sad thought. If things like Four Lokos go away, there are certainly going to be less chances to watch one of your friends try to fight a police officer, only to end up screaming like a girl while being tazered.

(Four Lokos Pic) (Happy Meal Pic)

  An article on cnet claims that a trend has been discovered as to when relationships on Facebook end. David McCandless, whom I've never heard of either, is apparently someone who takes an interest in compiling useless data (I don't actually know exactly what he does, I tried to figure it out and, besides this Facebook thing, it all seemed very uninteresting... however, if you feel like looking go here). He presented this idea at the TED conference, also which I've never heard of but am now fascinated with, in England.
According to McCandless' findings, who found the data by scouring status updates on facebook, relationships are most likely to end right before Christmas and the other peak time was in March, which he attributed to college Spring Break period.

This is interesting because most people who are getting into, and getting out of facebook relationships, are young people either in, or recently out of college, or sometimes in high school. It really kind of shows how we think, there's a number of things that could explain the period right before Christmas. For instance, you're a female, a freshman at college, who has recently entered into a mid first semester relationship at college, likely at a fraternity Halloween party. Now, being a first semester freshman female at college, this also means that you're a slut, who most likely met your new boy while he held your legs during a keg stand in a damp, crowded, basement. One might also infer that while the two of you are also very much in love, since you've been dating forever, almost a month, that going to your separate homes for Thanksgiving break is going to be unbearable.

Well, it's finally here, the last week in November, it's time to head back home to eat turkey. Your parents pick you up in a different dorm than they remember dropping you off at in September, obviously because you and your boyfriend romantically spend every night together. You get in the car, your father, visibly ashamed, tries to convince himself that your new friend Maria lives in this dorm and she happens to be a bigger girl, who's also a huge Bears fan explaining the over-sized Urlacher jersey and the pair of heels you happen to be wearing. The two of you obviously had a sleepover and decided to trade some of your clothing for the break.

You arrive at home and begin to receive text messages from your high school friends talking about parties and various other gatherings that will be happening this week. You, being the social butterfly that you are, will definitely be in attendance. While partying in your hometown, you commence drinking and begin to go on to your girlfriends about how you don't remember the last time you really cut loose since you're tied down now. Some time passes and you continue to drink, your ex-boyfriend, your first true love, turns the corner in what seems like slow motion. You lay eyes on him and immediately approach, the two of you head to his red Mustang, the old stomping grounds. You begin to hook up and quickly get into a fight because that's what you do, you march back inside to take a shot, and proceed to hook up with his best friend. Now, deeply enveloped in the drama of your hometown, you begin to be concerned only with the goings on here and start to forget about the troubles of college. You start to forget about a lot of things as you head to local bars using your fake ID and start hooking up with older, more mature guys you remember being years ahead of you in high school.

The break ends and you head back to school seeing your boyfriend who you've missed dearly. You start crying, telling him everything is moving too fast you'll always remember what the two of you had but have to break up.

Conversely, your boyfriend, who is a Jr. has been here before. Clearly confused at the before mentioned events, didn't realize that the two of you were boyfriend and girlfriend. He, being a rational human being, and knowing this situation, thought it better not to mention this. Shrugging his shoulders he watches you walk down the dorm hallway crying, deeply relieved in knowing that, one, you weren't crying because you found out you were pregnant, and two, he wasn't going to have to worry about whether or not to buy you a Christmas present.

The Spring break season obviously has similar reasons for couples breaking up, Cancun is often the site for random acts of infidelity. In a country where drinking water isn't an option, it's apparent that much of your time in Mexico will be fueled by tequila. While this leads to many arbitrary drunken hookups your time south of the border will most likely be very well documented, and consequently, all over facebook. A girlfriend knowing that her boyfriend is down in Cancun for spring break will surely be hitting refresh on his profile waiting for a tag, or a random friend request, waiting for the chance to ask him "who are those whores you're with!?"

This guy McCandless might be onto something since the trend in breakups makes a lot of sense. So if you are a man who happens to be dating a complete whore, you can probably assume you won't have to buy an extra gift for the holidays this year. If you're a female who happens to be dating a man who lives life on the "thrifty" or "cheap" side, well you may as well not make plans to introduce him to the fam because he'd rather dump your ass than dip into the beer fund to buy you a present.

(inquisitr) (source)

Another one bites the dust.

 Limewire, which no one was really using anymore anyway, finally went away for good. After a four year battle with the music industry, the "file sharing" service that was well known by anyone who's ever burned a CD or owned an ipod was shut down by court order. The service had been facing lawsuits since its upstart, often, getting off with minimal punishment.

Limewire's plan to get out of this is to try and make themselves legitimate, like what Napster did. I doubt their abilities to do this because of all the damages they'll have to pay after losing the court battle, which could be in the billions. Also, I didn't think anyone used Napster after it went legit, so I really doubt anyone's going to use Limewire.

Now, the fact that Limewire is gone doesn't change a whole lot in the world of pirating music, there are certainly many other ways out there to get music without paying for it. Dirpy, being my personal favorite at the moment (also apparently legal) is a great way to get songs on an individual basis, and there's no threat of viruses. I've personally never bought music on itunes, I think that last CD I bought was Marcy Playground, because back in '97 "sex and candy" was the illest. I hope these things don't change, because, while Limewire going away doesn't effect me very much, if it leads to me having to pay for music in the future, well, that's just going to suck.

(cnet news)

Have you ever had the hiccups for so long you could just kill someone?

(miami herald)

Jennifer Mee, who you may know as "hiccup girl" (I didn't know who she was either) is back in the news. A few years ago Mee made headlines after coming down with a case of the hiccups that lasted for a matter of months. You can see a video of her from 2007 with the hiccups (here), she seems like a pretty normal who was even appalled at the thought of committing a crime like smoking marijuana. Well apparently three years brings a lot of change since she's being charged for murder. On Saturday, Mee, now 19, lured a man (presumably with her fetching good looks) into a Florida home where he was then robbed and eventually murdered by two armed men.

The thing about this story that I find to be interesting is that we're hearing about it at all. This has become a national news story that we probably wouldn't have heard anything about if this girl hadn't been hiccuping for a few months in '07. It was really a true feat of great reporting to hear the anchor on the news this morning say "Hey remember this girl?" (They then cut to a cutesy archived news report of Mee trying various at-home remedies to cure hiccups.) After watching the video, I assumed she had been hiccuping since 2007 and they were going to tell me a heartwarming story  about finally finding a cure. Nope, she went bat-shit crazy and killed somebody.

Is it safe to say that sometimes stereotypes are funny?

(Source)

Let's just go ahead and leave this first one alone, but for the most part I think that most of us can comfortably say that we notice stereotypes in our daily lives. While I don't know if it's necessary to point them out, they are hilarious to see when they actually do happen.

Let me assure you, this won't be a preachy entry talking about the damaging effects of stereotypes, there's plenty of articles out there that will talk about that. Instead, I'd rather talk about this generally uncomfortable topic, and see if we can find the humor in some of the most common ones.


Watch an episode of "Mad Men" and you'll undoubtedly see all sorts of older stereotypes; rich guys nailing their secretaries, pregnant mother's smoking, and more rich guys cheating on their wives. Now these are all fun to watch on TV but the fact that they're on television takes away from the fact that this kind of stuff actually happens.

With Tiger Woods we witnessed what, in the stereotypical world, we can call a double-whammy. Tiger, who has a partial Asian background, is also African American. When his now ex-wife Elin Nordegren seemingly initially found out about Woods' indiscretions, he hopped in his Escalade and proceeded to slam into a tree. Sleeping pills or not we can't help but notice the coincidence here. Then, when the girls he was involved with came out we truly saw something special. Now this isn't to say that every Asian is bad driver and that all African American men like fat white women, but when we saw the case with Tiger you can't help but find it somewhat humorous. Admittedly, being neither Asian nor African-American this is an uncomfortable topic to talk about so, we'll move on.

My point, though, is that just because stereotypes are generalized conceptions that can sometimes be hurtful, one can't help but have a chuckle when they actually happen. If, for instance, a big female softball player steps up to the plate. She proceeds to hit the game winning ball over the stands and out of the park, she runs the bases, and as she comes to home plate she jumps into the arms of her companion and the two women have a celebratory kiss. Is the feeling in the stands of shock? No, of course not... fucking homophobes.

Can we give it a rest?

(popculturemadness)

The “Food Network” isn’t the only perpetrator here but they definitely produce a good amount of garbage, in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong I like of few of the shows but for the most part, and this may be because I’m reading Anthony Bourdain’s books, but the food shows are getting old.

I begin by talking about shows about cake, cupcakes, or cake products. Is it really necessary to have more than one show? Did other channels find that there had been so much success with Food Network’s “Ace of Cakes” that TLC needed to go and create “Cake Boss”? I, for one, kind of liked “Cake Boss” for those of you who are unfamiliar it takes place in a New Jersey Italian bakery. This makes for great Soprano-esque accents and certainly a lot of yelling. However, like all of these shows about cake you watch for a while and then realize… it’s about fucking cake! Somehow these shows manage to instill a sense of tension when a big cake is being walked down the stairs; we’re supposed to be sitting on the edge of our seats while the suspenseful music plays in the background. I’ll concede though, for a few episodes they had me. Take some silly accents, a friendly looking Italian guy like Buddy (The Cake Boss), and you’ve got simple mindless television that people will watch, it’s genius.

 Next are shows about shows which involve a traveling host who tries food and makes silly faces and snappy comments to the camera. (Yes I’m aware that Anthony Bourdain does this but I choose to believe that he’s above everyone else.) There’s really not many of these I can stand, and yet for some reason I’ve watched more than my fair share. I choose to believe that this is how most people feel about these shows, lots of people watch them, lots of people don’t know why. The Travel Channel’s,  “Man vs. Food” follows a host, who apparently has a background in the food industry, while he travels the country and stuffs his face. There are many others, but I’ll jump to my main point, the zaniest of them all, Guy Fieri. He travels the country in his bowling shirts, classic cars, and perhaps most noticeable, his frosted tips. I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy but his show literally has no point. He watches food get prepared, eats food, then licks his fingers and lets out an emphatic “good golly miss molly” or similar catch phrase. 

 There’s much more to go on this topic but this has turned into a rant perhaps to be continued at another time. My one wish is that for every Paula Dean on the Food Network there was three Giada’s instead of the other way around… have you seen Giada? Look at her, she looks like a beautiful food-cooking goddess, she should be an inspiration to women everywhere.

Sources: (Guy Fieri, Giada)

Oh for the love of god

(webparatodos)

Deanna Favre, (pictured driving a lawnmower, presumably because she needs the vibration to make up for where Brett lacks proper equipment) was at "Good Morning America" today, promoting her book? It seems like it may be poor timing , you know, because her husband is making national media for allegedly sending a picture message of his penis. She didn't address the incident directly but simply said:
   "I'm a woman of faith And faith has gotten me    through many difficult struggles. It will get me through this one" (abcnews)

I must have missed the part in the bible where it said thou shalt forgive thy spouse for allegedly texting thine junk. At any rate it seems as though she's gonna put up with more of Brett's bullshit, hopefully all that praying pays off for her. 

As for that Casanova Brett Favre, if he actually did do this we can only wonder how many times he's tried this little move. In the world of future hall of fame quarterbacks it may be an accepted practice to leave creepy voicemails and send even creepier pictures.

When's Glee on again?

(GQ)

 I've never watched Glee... on account that I'm a man. However, the people at Glee are either really clever and know how to target a new male audience, or Lea Michele just decided she'd like to branch out after this whole singing fad ends.

I could see how that could be the case, if you see what she looks like on the actual show, she's portrayed as a dorky not so good looking girl (as I'm lead to believe). This role could definitely lead to some typecasting just look at Ugly Betty... you'll have a tough time finding her though since she fell off the face of the Earth after that piece of shit show was canceled. Lea though, I think she'll have other assets to fall back on after this whole glee thing ends.

I'll talk about it once and we'll move on...

(Kansascity.com)

As if this isn't already a worn out topic, yes the new rules regarding head hunting are bullshit. Urlacher said it best that pretty soon they may as well just start slapping on flags and playing it that way. After the three big head shots this weekend the NFL decided to crack down. This weekend really proves that when it rains it pours, three big helmet to helmet shots, Robinson/Jackson, Harrison/Mariquois, and Merriweather/Heap.


Now if you ask me Merriweather's hit on Heap looked to be the wildest one and had the highest "bone-jar factor" Heap's just an animal and was able to recover shortly after. Had this been the only hit this weekend I believe that Merriweather would've only gotten a $10k fine instead of $50k and I definitely don't think that the rule would've been put in place.


If we're looking at Robinson on Jackson I don't think that people would be looking at it so much for the helmet on helmet, just that it was a hard hit. First of all, it wasn't helmet on helmet, he lead with his shoulder. Secondly, they both went down after the hit. While it was a pretty severe crash it was a clean hit and definitely something to expect while watching football. The fact that Dunta Robinson is being charged as much as Merriweather is pretty ridiculous and I'm a Pats fan.

The Harrison and Mariquois collision was considered by the league to be the worst hit presumably because of the $75,000 fine dealt to James Harrison. It was a hard hit but I'm not sure it was $25k harder.

The thing that's making me sickest about this story isn't the constant replay of the videos or the speculation on what can be done. It’s all of these self-righteous sports reporters talking about how the sanctity of the football game is its violence and that's why Americans love it. While, yes, violence is a perk that goes along with it, I'm not sitting at my TV screaming for some hits.

Football is America's most watched sport at the moment because of the fact that it's just more interesting than all of the others. There are only 16 games in a season and a 3 week playoff to the Superbowl. Every game matters, this isn't baseball, basketball, hockey, or much much much worse, soccer. We watch football because the story line is much more interesting the entire sport is based on watching from beginning to end. Unlike basketball, baseball, and even hockey (I leave soccer out of this because merely mentioning it puts a damper on my mood.) you basically don't have to pay attention until the end of these sports seasons because the beginning essentially doesn't matter. While some may tune in and enjoy football because it is indeed more violent, these are probably the same people who also enjoyed lighting the family cat on fire when they were children.

I think that changing this rule after this weekend is setting a bad precedent for the future. If the NFL starts changing rules on a case by case basis then we're going to end up in a whole shit mess of new rules and the game itself is going to end up changing. For the record, I'm for the 18 game season I know people are worried because it’s something we're not used to, but it's two more football games a year, there's no downside.