If you can't beat em' ban em'

 I think we need to pump the brakes a little bit, the past two weeks haven't been the best for "things that are fun". Four Lokos and happy meals have been the targets as of late. During these two weeks we've seen San Francisco start a seemingly progressive trend in banning McDonald's happy meals because of childhood obesity being on the rise. Also, we've seen Four Lokos, the drink that ensures you'll have a great time you wont ever remember, starting to be banned by college campuses across the country.

Let's lead off with the happy meals... San Fransisco, the city that's famous for an orange bridge and male on male butt sex, is having a morality issue with happy meals being served at McDonald's. This doesn't say much for the parenting abilities of SanFriscans since the primary consumers of happy meals don't generally have the means to acquire them on their own. Let's face it, there are a couple of things that we can assume about San Fransisco. Firstly, no one is eating at McDonald's, they're all driving their Priuses to Whole Foods where they can be assured they're dining on meats and vegetables that are of the finest quality. Secondly, everybody's gay. Now, if watching Modern Family has taught us anything, it's that gay men love adopting Asian babies, and apart from sumo wrestlers, when's the last time you saw a fat Asian?

Four Lokos is a great idea, the creators have successfully developed something that men, and more importantly women, will willingly and enthusiastically drink and then proceed to energetically make terrible decisions. There isn't much I can find wrong with Four Lokos except for that it didn't gain popularity when I was in college. Combining alcohol, caffeine, and a little flavoring to make it tasty, Phusion Projects, the creating company, has effectively made it popular to roofie yourself.

It's a drink that can definitely make your night more interesting. During pregame activities, one can somewhat be able to predict in what direction the night might lead. Starting the night playing beer pong could definitely lead to waking up in your own vomit, but, in general, sticking to beer will make for a pretty tame night. Starting with shots and funnels could lead in a number of directions, random hookups, fights, the toilet etc. Writing from the point of view of someone who is marginally hungover at the moment, my night was filled beer and vodka red bulls, apart from some fist pumping and the inevitable alleyway pee, it was a pretty normal night. The main theme of these different pregames is that while you will end up drunk in the end, you likely won't end up naked in the woods with an ass ache, unless you're pregaming with Four Lokos.

Banning these fun things will certainly make life less interesting and will take away from our experiences. If we don't have kids being raised on happy meals, there will be no more fat people to laugh at, and that's definitely a sad thought. If things like Four Lokos go away, there are certainly going to be less chances to watch one of your friends try to fight a police officer, only to end up screaming like a girl while being tazered.

(Four Lokos Pic) (Happy Meal Pic)